While reading my usual Final Four odds chatter (it’s almost over…then the Stanley Cup betting playoffs will get the attention they deserve), I stumbled upon a hilarious anti-Crosby song released by the band Pummeler.

I think this is the song…production value seems kind of crappy, if you ask me. Seems like Pummeler sucks too. But I digress:

Here are the lyrics:

Crosby Sucks

A complainer, a lamer
not a future hall of famer
got Bettman’s,
affection
but he’s surely not “The Next One”
his mouth is always
running
with his swollen flapping lips
that he puckers up for
Mario
when he isn’t sucking……

Crosby sucks
he’s out of luck,
cause all the
tears and press attention will not
help him catch
Ovechkin
Crosby sucks

He’s a diver, a whiner
with a wimpy
one-timer
a cheater, a bleater
and a loser, not a leader
he talks a lot
of smack because
he thinks he’ll kick your butt
he’ll just hit you with
his stick
and then he’ll punch you in the nuts

Canadian
sensation
well at least on certain stations
a poster child for
francophiles
who dance to Zombie Nation
all his fans are morons
who
defend his every stunt
and the “C” that’s on his chest
well it really
stands for…

Crosby sucks
like laser pucks, though you can
dress
him up with lipstick, you can’t
photoshop statistics
Crosby sucks

A
yoni, a phony
losing races with zambonis
it’s scary how you’re
married
to Lemieux and Donna Cherry
you aren’t worth this music
or your
40 million bucks, you’ll
waste your life in Pittsburgh
and you’ll never
win the Cup

Crosby sucks,
won’t win the cup, how can the
fans of
Swann and Bettis
stand in line to buy his sweater?
and stand behind his
letters
when Malkin’s clearly better?
Crosby sucks

WAAH, WAAH,
WAAH, WAAH, WAAH, WAAH, WAAH, WAAH
BOO HOO, CINDY CRIESBY

Whatever you online betting fans think of the song, there was a nice little Easter egg on Pummeler’s MySpace page: this cool Ovechkin tribute set to (!) hip-hop music. Pretty awesome. Makes me want to watch more Caps NHL betting.

I don’t have a ton of time today, but I’ve got a link you NHL betting fans won’t be able to resist; it’s to a fake Twitter page run by Leafs GM Brian Burke. Burkey is known for his bombastic comments and surliness toward the media, but this is just priceless.

There are some real gems in there. Among my favorites:

“Pogge was so upset after last night’s game that he threw himself in front of my car - but it went through his legs! So I backed over him.”

“Curtis Joseph is Mr. Consistent. He’s given us eight or nine saves and six solid minutes in every game he’s played this year.”

“Rumors that the Habs may be for sale. I’ll ask Mikhail Grabovski, since based on the past few games he apparently owns them.”

“Hosting the Oilers. Looking forward to a chance to see my old friend Kevin Lowe. In fact, I think I may wait for him in the parking lot.”

Fantastic. Apparently, Burkey didn’t appreciate it and even attempted to sue the prankster (I wonder what the sportsbook odds on Burke v. Twitter would have been?). Thankfully, the site just threw up a comment admitting it’s a parody and seems to be going about its business. Either way, the NHL lines over/under on how many days of me visiting per week are officially set at 4. Take the over.

Yes, yes, March Madness betting was on last night, but something magical — and HARDCORE — happened in NHL betting.

First-place Calgary coming to town: check. 5-0 shutout win over the Flames: check. Shutting out Calgary despite receiving death threats after the first period: CHECK. Steve Mason is the man.

And we thought Columbus had no die-hard hockey fans. Well, apparently it does, only they don’t cheer for Columbus. Peter Stenzel, a 52-year-old man who undoubtedly chows down on microwavable TV dinners and RC Cola for his dinner of choice, called the Nationwide Arena several times last night and threatened to “bomb and shoot” Steve Mason.  He was promptly caught thanks to caller ID — ever heard of *67, jackass? — and arrested.

The kicker for online betting fans: the guy was covered in Flames gear when the cops crabbed him. Almost as bad as O.J.’s blood being at the crime scene. Wait a second…

Anyhoo, if you weren’t starting to trust the Blue jackets at the sportsbook, you may want to start now. Steve Mason is the man.

I’m exhausted. Is it the March Madness betting hoop-la? Maybe. Whatever it is, my eyes are about to fall out from computer screen overload, and I’m having trouble writing about NHL betting today. If in doubt, you take a day to wake yourself up and enjoy a nice video montage. And I think we’ve all earned a nice treat. How about some Pavel Bure?

I miss the days when he ruled the sportsbook and made us online betting fans giggle with glee (well, me at least) every time he went end to end. Let’s enjoy some highlights of one of the greatest “cut-short” NHL careers ever:

Here I am, happy to enjoy March Madness betting, knowing that my NHL betting team, the lowly Toronto Maple Leafs, doesn’t require viewing for the rest of the year. After all, it made its trade deadline moves, got some draft picks, and just has to coast out the rest of the online betting season and, hopefully, tank…right?

Well, this is what happens when a tough, plucky GM and tough, plucky head coach team up. You get a tough, plucky roster that never quits and seems determined not just to play NHL betting spoiler, but to make an irritating mock-run at the eighth Stanley Cup betting playoff spot — a pursuit that will culminate in a near miss for the third straight year.

If you’re a Leaf fan like myself, you have to at least be excited for the future by Ron Wilson’s coaching — if he’s guided this AHL-caliber roster to a 31-30-13 record, what could he do with guys who are good at playing hockey? Right now, though, this delusional surge is angering. I can’t fault the players — you just can’t tank on purpose — but seeing the draft lottery fade into the horizon is like seeing that gorgeous blonde you met at the bar slip away before you get her number.

John? Mr. Tavares? Wait, please! We didn’t mean it! We’re not actually good! We’re not gonna make the playoffs! COME BAAAAACCCCK!

Sigh.

Think hockey players partake in March Madness betting? When I look at the way some guys are playing of late, I wonder if they’re too busy making online betting picks on other sports or something. What else would explain sudden drops in caliber of play from star players like, I dunno…Dion Phaneuf?

Just kidding, Dion. I doubt you’re involved in any big March Madness betting. I wasn’t kidding about your play, though. Check out the career numbers, NHL betting fans:

2005-06: 82 games, 20 G, 29 A, 49 PTS, +5, 16 power-play goals

2006-07: 79 games, 17 G, 33 A, 50 PTS, +10, 13 power-play goals

2007-08: 82 games, 17 G, 43 A, 60 PTS, +12, 10 power-play goals

This season: 72 games, 11 G, 32 A, 43 PTS, -11, 4 power-play goals

What the hell? Obviously, Phaneuf still has 10 games left and could improve upon those numbers. But those who bet hockey certainly see some alarming trends there — a big minus rating on a first-place team, a massive drop in power-play goal production, and a sudden reputation for improvising on “D” when he shouldn’t. He also isn’t dishing out as many thundering hits as normal.

I can’t help but wonder if dating Elisha Cuthbert has anything to do with Dion’s play. Really, it’s the only factor (as far as we know) in life that has changed from last season. In fact, Phaneuf’s supporting cast in Calgary is as good as it’s ever been, so the argument that 24’s Kim Bauer is messing with his game is that much more valid.

Wake up, Dion! She’s gorgeous but the time to enjoy her is the summer! If you’re not careful, you’ll be left off the Canadian Olympic team next year…

Nope, not gonna talk about March Madness betting or Don Cherry today. You can get your hoops fix elsewhere and Cherry — well, let me just say I told you so. Today, let’s enjoy the best NHL betting goalie freakout I’ve seen in a long time. Technically, this isn’t even NHL betting — Boston’s Tuukka Rask is a Providence Bruin right now — but you get the idea. Watch as Rask loses his mind after what he believed were botched calls on rule violations during a shootout:

On one hand, it’s hard for online betting fans to blame Rask. I think he was right — at least about the first goal. But this still probably won’t help his chances of getting a callup any time soon. Oh well — Ron Hextall would be proud. And with these types of freakouts, you can bet at the sportsbook that they’re not one-time things either. So maybe Rask will dazzle us NHL betting fans with another tantrum soon…

March Madness betting already got me hot and bothered yesterday when Memphis toyed with my heart, so I’m already cranky enough. Now I’m getting ready for Don Cherry’s inevitable rant tomorrow night after Alex Ovechkin put on another fireworks display for NHL betting fans.

In case you were too wrapped up in the March Madness odds to see it, here’s the goal and the celebration:

Not the most exotic or hilarious celebration NHL betting fans have ever seen, but I respect the idea. Well, you know what’s next. Don Cherry, whom I love but who is growing more senile by the hour, will likely tear strips off Ovechkin on Saturday night…again. Hey — maybe he just does it for the ratings. Either way, he’ll probably condemn Ovechkin for his celebrations yet again.

What Cherry doesn’t seem to understand is that hockey is battlefield in which these things sort themselves out. Not only are Ovechkin’s antics good for a game whose athletes have the charisma of sea turtles, he’ll get what’s coming to him anyway. In physical sports like hockey or football, hot dogs get whats’ coming to them. They know the stakes and it’s fair. If you’re a hot dog, you have fun but you invite guys to take shots at you. Do you think Ovie, Chad Johnson and T.O. don’t’ realize that? It’s fall fair.

Remember the Star incident in Dallas? Owens had fun but got attacked.  He knew it would happen:

It’s fair, online betting fans. So we shouldn’t discourage Ovechkin’s NHL betting antics unless we want non-stop vanilla action.

I’m betting at the sportsbook that Cherry blows up tomorrow and gets himself in hot water…

Sniff, sniff. What’s that? March Madness betting? Well, yeah. Memphis is freaking me out right now (currently up by one with six and a half minutes to go).  So you could say I’m smelling a major upset in the March Madness odds, I suppose.

But I’m also really starting to smell a first-round meltdown for the Boston Bruins in NHL betting. Hey, I don’t mean to dis the Bruins; they’re in great shape for the next five to 10 years, with a plethora of big, agile young forwards and thoroughbreds on defense. You could almost say they’re a team of Cam Neelys.

But what the many online betting fans who romanticize Neely’s career — myself included — forget is that Neely’s style of play wore him out and left him perpetually banged up. Is it just me, or is that happening to the Bruins a bit? We’re seeing hulking wingers like Milan Lucic and Michael Ryder miss time…Phill Kessel too.

Can’t help but wonder about the goaltending in crunch time. Tim Thomas and Manny Fernandez have been a great tandem but they have so little playoff experience….Any of the current five through eight seeds  — Pittsburgh, New York, Montreal and Carolina — could give the Bruins major headaches in the NHL betting playoffs.

Be careful, sportsbook players!

Anyone who likes to bet on March Madness or any other online betting phenomena knows that you can’t pick ‘em all, right? Well, that includes hockey. If you bet on NHL, you probably saw the Vancouver Canucks ride a beautiful four-touch pass goal on the rush to victory over the Dallas Stars. I can’t seem to find a video of that damn goal, but that’s the not the point anyway.

My point is that I underestimated the Vancouver Canucks. I’m not saying I’m driving the bandwagon now — they’re good but not 10-home-wins-in-a-row good, not 15-3-1-since the start of February good — but they have a chance to make a legit splash in the Stanley Cup odds now.

For the first time in several years, the Canucks have — dare I say it — depth. Their usual NHL betting staples remain intact, as Roberto Luongo keeps standing tall and the Sedins remain reliable point-per-game contributors. But the Canucks really do have secondary scoring right now. Mats Sundin and Pavol Demitra aren’t being counted on as the guys, which is fair given their advanced age. They’re better suited to second-line duty now and they’re thriving, helping the Canucks dominate at the sportsbook of late. The more intriguing development may be the rise of young power forwards Ryan Kesler and Alex Burrows. They’re great all around players who excel on the penalty kill and should really crank up their play in the NHL betting playoffs.

I’m not saying “Canucks for the Cup!” but I’m admitting I was wrong when I said Vancouver had no shot at glory several months ago while analyziing Sundin’s potential destinations. If the Stanley Cup betting playoffs started today, I’d definitey pick them to beat Chicago. Who knows? Luongo is good enough to steal the second round too, even if it could be against Detroit or San Jose.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; this year’s NHL betting playoffs will be unbelievable — the best since 1994.