The Kentucky Derby odds and Pacquiao vs Hatton odds are upon us, so today is perhaps my last chance to steal your attention until then.

I “treated” you hockey betting fans to first-round Stanley Cup betting playoff predictions in Haiku. I shall now try to outdo myself with second round NHL playoff picks…in gangsta rap lyric form.

Here goes nothin, sportsbook playas…

Red Wings vs Ducks odds

FOR DA DUCKS ROUND ONE AIN’T ONE BIT OF LUCK

JONAS HILLER STOPPIN PUCKS LOOKIN GOOD AS F*CK

GETZLAF PERRY BUSTIN GOALS IN DA THROATS OF DEM SHARKS

THREW THOSE BIG FISH OUTTA WATER LIKE IT’S NOAH’S ARK

BUT WHAT’S THAT IN THE SKY? IT’S A BIRD, NAW, A PLANE

IT’S DEM RED WINGS SWOOPIN DOWN GONNA MAKE IT RAIN

DEM SWEDES AND RUSSIANS WINNING CUPS LIKE ITS OUTTA STYLE

GONNA HUNT DOWN THOSE DUCKS, POWWA PLAY RUNNIN WILD.

(NHL betting pick:: Red Wings in six)

Blackhawks vs Canucks odds

SH*T SON IT’S THE FLAMES LIGHTIN HAWKS ON FIRE

KHABIBULIN SEEING RUBBER LIKE A MICHELIN TIRE

BUT THE CHI-TOWN KIDS BROUGHT DA RUCKUS ON THE ROAD

CRAZY KILLAS ON DEFENSE GONNA SHOULDER THE LOAD

LIKE ALL EMPIRES THE HAWKS BETTA BRACE FOR A FALL

CUZ THEY ABOUT TO RUN INTO A GREASY BRICK WALL

VANCOUVA RIDES THE MASKED MAN BY THE NAME OF LUONGO

GAT ! GAT! GONNA GET THEM, PLAY THE KIDS LIKE BONGOS.

(NHL betting pick:Canucks in seven)

Stay tuned for round two of NHL playoff betting tomorrow. Word…and you thought only hoops betting folk could rhyme…

YES! Forget the Pacquiao vs Hatton odds. I don’t care if Kobe and Lebron go head to head in the basketball betting finals. I’m a hockey betting man, and I know anyone reading this blog is too, so the Penguins vs Capitals odds are a gift from the man upstairs.

OH, the drama! Crosby vs Ovechkin. Ovechkin vs. Malkin. Finally the best young players on the planet go head-to-head and I (not to mention American TV networks) couldn’t be more excited. According to most hockey fans who place sporting bets, the Malkin-Ovechkin feud is over. I heard Ilya Kovalchuk took them out to dinner during the All-Star weekend and smoothed things over. Still — nothing reignites bad blood like the Stanley Cup odds, and I’m betting that we haven’t seen the end of this tension.

Then there’s the Crosby factor! The legions of Ovechkin NHL betting fans finally get to face off against the Crosby supporters in a battle to see who is truly the best right now. You can bet at the offshore sportsbook that both guys will fuel each other’s fire and push each other to play at a level we may have never seen them reach before. This is Jordan vs Bird revisited. Even Gretzky and Mario never got to meet in the playoffs!

Thank you for this gift, hockey betting Gods. May the sports wagering force be with you.

It’s strangely fitting that a Kentucky Derby odds favorite, Quality Road, went down to injury and pulled out of the race today just after the San Jose Sharks, a top Stanley Cup odds favorite, bowed out of the NHL betting playoffs with a whimper last night.

Watching the Sharks fade into the ocean of eliminated teams, I was at a loss last night. If you’re the Sharks, you just won the Presidents’ Trophy with a team-record 117 wins. There’s no carrot, no motivation to be better in the regular season when NHL betting starts up again next fall. It’s just one more loooonnnng wait until the hockey betting playoffs start again. And it begs the question: how can you improve a team that’s perfect in the regular season? What pieces do you add to it?

The only thing that comes to mind is to cut out a losing attitude — one that reminds me of the mentality constantly stymieing the Ottawa Senators in the early 2000s as team after team failed to win it all after dominant regular seasons. And to me, no one on the Sharks embodies that mentality more than Joe Thornton.

There’s no denying Thornton is an elite player — in the regular season. He’s a perennial 90-plus point guy with great vision who can guide a last-place team to the top of the standings. But he consistently disappears from sportsbook success when the playoffs arrive, shying away from contact and playing on the perimeter despite being 6′4″ and 230 pounds. Little Pavel Datsyuk shows more courage than this guy.

Why not move Thornton for a really nice return? Some people might call it foolish to dismantle a first-place team, but it’s clear this team is incapable of winning the Stanley Cup as is. Trading Joe could net multiple valuable players. Another idea is to swap him for a guy who has similar big-game struggles — Dany Heatley. Just something to talk about the next time you and your hockey buddies are betting online.

Events like the Kentucky Derby odds and the Pacquiao vs Hatton boxing odds are about to take center stage in the sports betting world, so we hockey betting fans may as well retreat into the shadows and muse away on what’s becoming an interesting first round.

- Maxime Talbot’s courageous battle against heavyweight Daniel Carcillo in Game 6 Saturday raised an interesting online wagering debate between me and my pals. Some of my friends think the “fighting when you’re team is down to create a spark” theory is overrated, but who can ignore the fact that the Penguins rallied from a 3-0 deficit to win after that fight? And Talbot is reportedly a very popular guy in the dressing room.

- Did I miss something in the John Tortorella/Capitals fan brawl during Game 5 of the Rangers vs Capitals odds? Didn’t the guy dump a beer on Torts? And he gets suspended for retaliating? Nice job, NHL — you just told fans “go ahead and dump beer on coaches. They’ll get suspended.” See the incident for yourself:

- Love him or hate him, Pierre Maguire really knows what he’s talking about.

- As tough as the Flames vs Blackhawks odds have been, neither team has showed a ton of mental toughness so far; it’s been a “hit at home, wilt on the road” series for both teams, so Calgary should be a no-brainer sportsbook pick to win Game 7. Unless one of these squads shows an ability to win away from its own rink, the winner of this series could be ousted quickly in round two of the Stanley Cup odds.

I’m not saying the Kentucky Derby odds are tempting me or anything, but it is a light Friday in NHL playoff betting compared to what we’ve gotten used to, no? Just the Rangers vs Capitals odds on the sked tonight. The two “humans” pictured above are amped up, but what do we do with no late game tonight? Why not take today, which is a lovely Friday, and call it a distraction day? I don’t know about you, but I could really go for a video of bad things happening to news reporters.

This is a classic but a doozie, online betting fans. Kick back and enjoy something you can’t find when you’re at the sportsbook making basketball betting picks or hockey picks or whatever you do. This just just good, trashy fun.

I apologize to the hockey betting world for the above title, but we all know that’s what’s going through each of our minds after watching the trainwreck that was the Canadiens vs Bruins NHL odds. I’m assuming none of us saw it live — who was still watching that stinker after the second period — but we likely all saw Carey Price’s Patrick Roy impersonation when the Montreal faithful gave him the Bronx Cheer.

Sorry for the lack of sound, but you can hear the boos in your mind, right?

What do you hockey betting fans think of Price’s reaction?  It wasn’t as pathetic as Roberto Duran saying “No mas” in his boxing odds days, but it certainly wasn’t a proud moment. Bob Gainey understandably stood up for his goalie, saying he was “being bullied” and “fought back.” I can’t help but think Price would’ve showed much more strength by calmly soaking in the boos and remaining stoic (less “Roy vs Detroit,” more “Roy versus Florida when they threw rats at him in the 1996 Stanley Cup odds final). He’s on a slippery slope now if he makes the Montreal online betting fans his enemies.

Can Price bounce back in 2009-10 or will he become another Jose Theodore in M-T-L?

The Kentucky Derby odds are probably more exciting than than the Canadiens vs Bruins odds right now, so let’s flash back to last night’s Canucks game. I’m discussing Alex Burrows’ ability with my friend as he kills penalties like a mad man (Burrows, not my friend) before nettting the NHL betting series winner in overtime (again, Burrows scored the winner, not my friend. He was with me, remember?). We start digging through his stats (28 goals this year…not too shabby for an “agitator”) and we’re wondering where he came from, so we look at his sportsbook past…and see this:

Um, what? The GREENVILLE GRRROWL?!? With three R’s? It almost makes the Columbia Inferno seem forgivable. One thing lead to another, I dug around and I came up with the hockey betting Minor Pro-All-Ridiculous-Nickname-Team.

(Some of these are so absurd that the AHL’s San Antonio Rampage didn’t make the cut…can you believe it?)

Many of these franchises are defunct, but the main trends to notice are:

1. All were founded in the New Age, “Xtreme” era, between around 1994 and 2005.

2. Almost every one takes two objects and throws them together to form some sort of predatory hockey betting team name.

Here we go…I’ll bet at the sportsbook you haven’t heard of most of these.

10. TACOMA SABERCATS – this makes the list because it’s the epitome of trashy team names. Swords and cats? Thrown together?

9. AUSTIN ICEBATS — What? A bat…made of ice? Or a bat that flies through ice? Ugh. Just burn your Icebats tickets and go watch your NASCAR odds, Texas.

8. MISSISSIPPI SEA WOLVES — And you thought sharks were the true lions of the sea.

7. BLOOMINGTON PRAIRIETHUNDER — It’s not regular thunder. It’s Prairie thunder, and that’s the worst kind.

6. BOSSIER-SHREVEPORT MUD BUGS — “Oh, what do I do on ma weekends? Well, I gots to say, I’m a die hard Mudbugs fan if there ever was one in this here damn town.”

5. ST. PETE/WINSTON-SALEM PARROTS - My pick for the most awkward nickname in the history of sports betting team names. How about you pick one town, guys?

4. GREENVILLE GRRRROWL — Out of respect for the Canucks odds, let’s not discuss this further.

3. CAPE FEAR FIRE ANTZ — With a “Z.” That’s what draws the Cape Fear hockey fans to the gynasium in droves.

2. TUPELO T-REX — How much would you bet at the sportsbook that this team was named right after Jurassic Park came out? It’s almost as absurd as naming your hoops betting team the Raptors.

1. ATLANTIC CITY BOARDWALK BULLIES — Way to stay classy, A.C. It’s not a question of if a prostitute is their mascot — just how many prostitutes.

Honourable mentions:
Danbury Mad Hatters

Florida Everblades

Corpus Christi Icerays

Amarillo Gorillas

Sid the Kid got plenty of hockey betting love last week, so I don’t feel bad for back-to-back days of Ovechkin talk.

The troll in Ovie’s arms is his mom, a two-time Olympic gold medalist in basketball. Yep, his genes are better than Levi’s. Ahem, uh…moving on.

Something special happened in the Capitals vs Rangers line last night, when Washington beat the Rangers 4-0 to make the series 2-1 and stay in the hunt. It wasn’t just that the Caps forwards who really clicked, moving the puck beautifully. The defensive side of the game was a huge plus, and sportsbook watchers took notice. Not only did rookie goalie Simeon Varlamov stand on his head again, but Ovechkin was a force on defense, twice breaking up quality scoring chances with sliding plays.

The crown jewel in last night’s online betting tilt came when Ovechkin turned over the puck to Lauri Korpikoski, then chased him the length the ice like he was a receiver in the backfield and stopped a breakaway with a clean, sliding stick check.

The Capitals odds are back, folks, and Washington looks confident again. Something tells me this NHL betting series is far from over.

Side note: Lauri Korpikoski? Don’t you think someone with that name should look more like this…

Than this:

I spy, with my little hockey betting eye, something that is….GR8.

Taking a page from Bill Belichick’s book, Alexander Ovechkin was caught watching the New York Rangers’ practice today and asked to leave the premises. That the best player in the world is resorting to spying should tell you a lot about how the Capitals odds look right now. The Caps are in deep trouble after losing Games 1 and 2 at home. With the Caps’ questionable goaltending and a blueline that doesn’t seem physical enough, some NHL betting fans are wondering if the Capitals aren’t built for the playoffs.

We can’t count the Caps out of the Stanley Cup odds just yet, as they have oodles of talent and fared well at Madison Square Garden this season. But an early online betting playoff exit is increasingly likely. If it happens, you can bet at the sportsbook that the Caps will explore the UFA waters for bigger, tougher defensemen.

You have to admire Kentucky Derby odds horses. As soon as they hear that gun (horse race betting has gun shots, right?), they get going with no hestitation. While the stakes aren’t the same for us humans — a hesitation doesn’t put us in the glue factory — I figure I should apply that principle to NHL playoff betting. The series have started, with a game in the books everywhere, so let’s just jump in and start commenting.

* Mats Sundin needs to find his legs soon. It was forgivable when he scored just 28 points in 41 regular-season games with Vancouver, but his lack of speed and reaction time in Game 1 was concerning. He needs to be an important contributor for the Canucks odds to really go anywhere.

* Milan Lucic is a somewhat polarizing player in that some people love him and build him up, almost to the point of overrating him, while others get pissed off about his overhype and love to hate him. Whatever you think of him, online betting fans have to love what he did in Boston’s Game 1 win over the Habs. Forget the two assists, even — the kid is just built for the playoffs. He was a terror in the corners, throwing his body into anything that breathed. It’ll be interesting to see how he handles himself on the road; it’s always easier for a player like him to feed off the crowd at home.

* Chris Osgood took the first step toward quieting his NHL betting critics last night, making a pile of serious saves in Detroit’s win over Columbus. If he finds himself in time NHL playoff betting, the Red Wings odds look pretty damn good right now.

* It’s only one loss, but there was something…I dunno….eerie about the Sharks’ Game-1 loss at home last night. Nobody wanted to play the Ducks in the first round and the Sharks have that choking history…gulp. Still way too early to right them off at the sportsbook; they remain my Stanley Cup odds pick.

* Relax, Flames odds detractors. Calgary will be fine. There was no way the NHL attendance leader Hawks were going to lose Game 1 in front of a wild crowd that hadn’t seen a playoff game since 2002.