The Kentucky Derby odds are probably more exciting than than the Canadiens vs Bruins odds right now, so let’s flash back to last night’s Canucks game. I’m discussing Alex Burrows’ ability with my friend as he kills penalties like a mad man (Burrows, not my friend) before nettting the NHL betting series winner in overtime (again, Burrows scored the winner, not my friend. He was with me, remember?). We start digging through his stats (28 goals this year…not too shabby for an “agitator”) and we’re wondering where he came from, so we look at his sportsbook past…and see this:

Um, what? The GREENVILLE GRRROWL?!? With three R’s? It almost makes the Columbia Inferno seem forgivable. One thing lead to another, I dug around and I came up with the hockey betting Minor Pro-All-Ridiculous-Nickname-Team.

(Some of these are so absurd that the AHL’s San Antonio Rampage didn’t make the cut…can you believe it?)

Many of these franchises are defunct, but the main trends to notice are:

1. All were founded in the New Age, “Xtreme” era, between around 1994 and 2005.

2. Almost every one takes two objects and throws them together to form some sort of predatory hockey betting team name.

Here we go…I’ll bet at the sportsbook you haven’t heard of most of these.

10. TACOMA SABERCATS – this makes the list because it’s the epitome of trashy team names. Swords and cats? Thrown together?

9. AUSTIN ICEBATS — What? A bat…made of ice? Or a bat that flies through ice? Ugh. Just burn your Icebats tickets and go watch your NASCAR odds, Texas.

8. MISSISSIPPI SEA WOLVES — And you thought sharks were the true lions of the sea.

7. BLOOMINGTON PRAIRIETHUNDER — It’s not regular thunder. It’s Prairie thunder, and that’s the worst kind.

6. BOSSIER-SHREVEPORT MUD BUGS — “Oh, what do I do on ma weekends? Well, I gots to say, I’m a die hard Mudbugs fan if there ever was one in this here damn town.”

5. ST. PETE/WINSTON-SALEM PARROTS - My pick for the most awkward nickname in the history of sports betting team names. How about you pick one town, guys?

4. GREENVILLE GRRRROWL — Out of respect for the Canucks odds, let’s not discuss this further.

3. CAPE FEAR FIRE ANTZ — With a “Z.” That’s what draws the Cape Fear hockey fans to the gynasium in droves.

2. TUPELO T-REX — How much would you bet at the sportsbook that this team was named right after Jurassic Park came out? It’s almost as absurd as naming your hoops betting team the Raptors.

1. ATLANTIC CITY BOARDWALK BULLIES — Way to stay classy, A.C. It’s not a question of if a prostitute is their mascot — just how many prostitutes.

Honourable mentions:
Danbury Mad Hatters

Florida Everblades

Corpus Christi Icerays

Amarillo Gorillas